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Sunday, December 14, 2014

Not ready to write that yet

I just started an entry about my parents. I started typing, then stopped. Because I'm not ready to write that story yet. It's a confusing one. One with a lot of love, but also a lot of pain. One where I feel torn about who I am ~ hero or villain. Probably more likely a combination of both. As the Facebook relationship status says, it's complicated.

I hesitated on starting this blog, and procrastinated on writing because I felt like I was terrified of being completely honest and being judged on my honesty. Obviously that was back in the day when I thought that people would actually READ the blog. (Not that I'm trying to get anyone to read it. I don't share it right now. I'm not ready for that either.) 

But I see the way some bloggers are treated online. It's like the celebrities who had their nude photos stolen from their phones - the argument from some was that they shouldn't take nude photos. No, people shouldn't hack into other people's private property. It's their choice to take whatever photos they like. 

No, you won't see any nude photos here (believe me, you would not want to see them!) but I am showing you my naked self, at least from the inside. And yes, I am choosing to put it out there, but I'm doing it for me. I'm not writing this for anyone but myself right now. But the day is coming when I'm going to choose to share it, and that scares the crap out of me!

I hate what the Internet has done to people ~ why suddenly it's okay to be mean and bully people you don't know just because they don't have the same opinion as you. It's not okay. Period. I enjoy a good discussion as much as the next person, and my beliefs aren't the same as everyone else's, but I can agree to disagree. It's not my purpose, nor my intention, to make you think the way I do. I just want you to respect my side for the reasons I present. You don't have to like it.

But it still scares me. I'm very open about most things, but this one I'm struggling with, and I need to figure out why I'm struggling before I share it. Just another step in this journey. Good thing I gave myself a year to get it done!

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