It's Groundhog Day... Again.

If you haven't seen the movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray, I'm sorry. Go watch it. Now. It's hilarious. It was even funnier to me because I grew up 30 minutes from Punxsutawney, and the people depicted in the movie remind me of people I knew. But even if you know nothing about Punxsutawney or its beloved spring forecasting groundhog, it's still pretty funny.

In the movie, Bill Murray finds himself stuck reliving the same day, Groundhog Day, over and over again. I woke up this morning feeling like I was stuck in the same neverending day. Awoken before dawn by the boy, who had a massive and runny BM that resulted in his pajamas going in the trash and the boy getting a shower at 5AM. This has become a typical thing again. And today was my breaking point. I'm just done.

On most days I'm pretty positive about things and choose to focus on the good that comes from having a special needs child. But there are days when I just want to give up and quit. It's not everyday, but it happens, and when it does, I need to let it out. I need to be heard and not judged. I need someone to acknowledge that what I have to deal with daily is not the norm, and it's hard. Damn hard. And that admitting it's hard and that I don't want to do it doesn't make me a terrible person or a bad mom. It makes me human.

I do believe in positive thinking, and that our thoughts are powerful. That's why I choose not to wallow in the negative. I've been there, and it's a dark, scary and lonely place. I found my way out of that with the help of friends, support groups, my doctor, and my therapist. I don't want to go back there. But none of that means I can't have a bad day. And it doesn't mean that I can't admit that despite a positive attitude, this life sucks sometimes... or a lot of the time. Because it does.

I posted first in a closed online support group, and one mom thanked me for being honest because she feels guilty for being frustrated and upset. Listen to me - don't ever feel guilty for that! We are human, and our feelings are real and valid, and sometimes it's all just a little too much. Doesn't mean we don't love our kids and it doesn't make us bad moms. And if you need to let it out, I'm here. No judgement. Ever.