HomeMeThe BoyThe FamilyWonderWonder

Saturday, November 29, 2014

365 to 40

Today is my 39th birthday. My mom joked when she called that it's my last birthday, because most women prefer to be 39 forever. I'm a little different. I've been looking forward to my 40's for at least half of my 30's. Most of my 30's have been a blur. I had the boy when I was 29, the girl when I was 32, and the baby Buddha at 37. I don't think I slept through the night for an entire decade.

On a bad day, I'd tell you the theme of my 30's was "Sleepless in Shit-land" Hey, I've been changing diapers for a lot of years, and have I mentioned I haven't slept through the night in a decade? I've still got two in diapers now, but I am optimistic that I'll start my 40's with just one, the one who will be in diapers forever... but I try not to think about that. Better to focus on the positive that I at least it will only be one child instead of two like it's been for most of the last six years.

On a good day, I'd say the theme was "You are stronger than you think." Damn, I've proven that to myself again and again. When I look back on the last nine years, I really wonder how the hell I survived. Then I remember that I had help, and still have help, and still need help. But even with that, I was strong enough to know I needed help and ask for it.

Right now, I need help finding ME again. My 30's have been focused on being a mom. And there's nothing wrong with that. My kids are amazing, and I've done what I needed to do. But at some point, while taking care of them, I forgot to take care of me, and it's time for that to change.

This next year is going to be a journey of self-discovery. While I'd love to pull an Elizabeth Gilbert and head off on a worldly adventure, that's just not going to happen. But what I can emulate from her, and others, is I can write. I can make a commitment to myself that I will journal. I will be still. I will make time for me.

I was going to start a new blog for this journey, but one of my goals for this year is to Simplify. And, well, creating a new blog while I have a perfectly good one sitting here seemed to go against that. This is my blog - my life. While it started out focused on the boy, it's really about my feelings about raising him, and that's part of this journey as well.

In addition to Simplify, other goals are to Organize, Focus, and Believe. If you form an acronym, you get SOFB… and that irony is not lost on me! Another goal is to Commit ~ so I Commit to being a SOFB!

Journaling daily is going to be hard. But another one of my favorite writers, Glennon Melton, reminds me often that "We can do hard things." I heart her. If she can, so can I.

Just note that some days, my entry might just be "SOFB This is hard!" Hopefully that won't happen too often :)

I feel like I need a closing line. Some big quote or mission statement. Um, I don't have one of those. So let me get back to you on that.

To be continued…

No comments:

Post a Comment