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Sunday, May 4, 2014

Smile and Nod

When I first envisioned blogging, I thought it would be my way of expressing myself. A place where I could talk about the things happening in my life, and how I felt about them, no matter what the circumstance or situation.

But I as started to write, I got scared. What if people disagreed? What if those who see me as a positive person see the darkness I so often hide? Will they still like me? Will they criticize what they read? 

I have lived in fear of what people think for most of my life. It's a long story about why, but I need to feel liked. And blogging… well, there's a lot of love on the internet, but there's also a lot of hate, and judgment, and unwarranted criticism, and quite frankly, I don't need that in my life right now.

So, instead of sharing. I've been mute. Radio silence. Because, quite honestly, I just haven't been feeling like sunshine and roses lately. And more often than not, the positive attitude I'm putting out is a lot of smiling and nodding. And it's not me.

I am, most of the time, a pretty positive person. I like to see the good. I need to. But I have bad days. And lately, the fog of those bad days has been winning. If ever there was a time when I needed to let it out, it's probably now. But I hate to complain. I know my life is good. I know that this is just a funk, and with a little help (and the right pharmaceutical intervention) it will pass.

Here's the thing though… maybe what the world needs isn't another cliche example of being strong and positive. Maybe, there are some who need to see that even when things appear to be okay, there can be an internal war raging behind the smile and the nod. Maybe they need to know that it's okay to not be grateful for every thing, every day. Maybe they need to know that some of the so called "blessings" actually suck - I mean really, really suck. And maybe, it's time to end the radio silence, and share it all, even when it sucks.

Hi. I'm Lynne. I'm a mom of three amazing children, and I love them with every inch of my being and ounce of my soul. Some days are incredible. And some days suck. It's time to start sharing my story. The whole story, and not just the sanitized for Facebook version. Smile and nod if you agree.

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